http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog daily 1.0 2026-04-02 http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/australia monthly 0.5 2026-03-29 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/c7954703-39fe-4a9e-8004-b6fd439b8962/hermes+purell.png My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Australia Must Have Some Badass Lo Mein (And Why Is A Marsupial Serving Bordeaux To Don Henley?) - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/066f513a-4414-4c25-8051-20526d6c08f9/liver+st.png My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Australia Must Have Some Badass Lo Mein (And Why Is A Marsupial Serving Bordeaux To Don Henley?) - Make it stand out I’m a liver, not a fighter. Now leave me and my family alone, you vultures! https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/58862d8c-9b41-4c57-9970-b484b8d12484/Hannibal_Hermes_1_20.png My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Australia Must Have Some Badass Lo Mein (And Why Is A Marsupial Serving Bordeaux To Don Henley?) - Make it stand out "A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. Then I splurged and had this arresting orange jumpsuit de-liver-ed to me from Hermes.” (Photo: Hermes Paris, MGM Studios) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/6dbfb90e-be87-4f0d-8923-5531f3064d27/STEVE.png My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Australia Must Have Some Badass Lo Mein (And Why Is A Marsupial Serving Bordeaux To Don Henley?) - Make it stand out The flight to Gilligan’s Island was splendid but the gift shop there sucked liked Oedipus on a milk bender. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/54668c52-a9fb-469a-bd2f-d28c1f2d1815/meat+heart.png My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Australia Must Have Some Badass Lo Mein (And Why Is A Marsupial Serving Bordeaux To Don Henley?) - Make it stand out A meatloaf made with liver is called pâté de campagne. I would do anything for lunch…but I won’t do that. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/037fe554-1665-4888-8504-50accca18573/KY_BEAV_1_65.png My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Australia Must Have Some Badass Lo Mein (And Why Is A Marsupial Serving Bordeaux To Don Henley?) - Make it stand out How is a beaver like a koala? He eats bush and leaves. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/82081b29-fcca-4148-8700-f6be16d913b8/hot+dog.png My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Australia Must Have Some Badass Lo Mein (And Why Is A Marsupial Serving Bordeaux To Don Henley?) - Make it stand out Seed capital, Chicago-style; bun’s on the bottom, topped by a sour pickle. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/800f29d9-26d9-4a75-ba4b-1b52bc099898/KOALA+EAGLES.png My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Australia Must Have Some Badass Lo Mein (And Why Is A Marsupial Serving Bordeaux To Don Henley?) - Make it stand out So I called a koala, Please bring me my wine https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/9394a7b5-d5ba-45cd-9dd7-80ad2c3a41da/greeks.png My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Australia Must Have Some Badass Lo Mein (And Why Is A Marsupial Serving Bordeaux To Don Henley?) - Make it stand out And that, dear reader is what we call “coming full circle’. http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/benatar monthly 0.5 2026-03-26 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/819dde70-5cdd-4b27-97a1-371593e36c09/PAT+PAT+PAT.webp My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Love Is A Battlefield (But At Least My Dog Got An Autograph Out Of The War). - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/00cb9403-8c50-4b2e-8c0c-853e08b12c7b/fast_1_20.jpg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Love Is A Battlefield (But At Least My Dog Got An Autograph Out Of The War). - Make it stand out “Now, this is the most important, Rat. When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV. If that fails, try Bublé’s Christmas album.” (Photo: Universal Pictures) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/8d73e1ae-5a12-4542-a381-057131182391/DUCK1.png My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Love Is A Battlefield (But At Least My Dog Got An Autograph Out Of The War). - Make it stand out Tuck and roll? No harm, no fowl. (Photo: Penelope A Riley) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/897d9e3d-a5f3-481c-ab72-42857717e054/devil_50.jpg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Love Is A Battlefield (But At Least My Dog Got An Autograph Out Of The War). - Make it stand out Sure, Hell is For Children, but these super-absorbent cotton shorts are a heavenly gift to urine overflow. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/5bdaa745-3b55-4263-8691-49ef982818e2/Fred+resize.jpg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Love Is A Battlefield (But At Least My Dog Got An Autograph Out Of The War). - Make it stand out Oh Wilma, Fred is gonna make your Bed Rock later tonight. (Photo: Hanna-Barbera Studios) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/a329773f-bcbf-42c0-bbe9-e76278363069/Screenshot+2026-03-02+at+2.34.31%E2%80%AFPM.png My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Love Is A Battlefield (But At Least My Dog Got An Autograph Out Of The War). - Make it stand out Using Ticketmaster is so easy even a caveman can call them up and bitch about the service fees. (Photo: Geico Insurance) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/0af8d5d6-11c7-4c02-82ab-e73be2cf7066/BUBLE+RESIZE.jpg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Love Is A Battlefield (But At Least My Dog Got An Autograph Out Of The War). - Make it stand out “To impress my wife, I changed my name to Sonny and found this here new duet partner. Up yours, Beaverton.” https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/b29f77a8-3682-460d-b011-7bd7de3463a2/pat+neil.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Love Is A Battlefield (But At Least My Dog Got An Autograph Out Of The War). - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/95279c1f-1bdd-4e28-9406-7d50761e9c79/fred_finger_RESIZE.jpg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Love Is A Battlefield (But At Least My Dog Got An Autograph Out Of The War). - Make it stand out “I may not be into rock and rolling but I can use a rock FOR bowling. Up yours, Beaverton.” http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/firstdate monthly 0.5 2026-03-19 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/02419125-f66a-48e3-969a-cd44eb302e1b/Poltergeist_2015_poster.png My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Assault with a Deadly Battery (And How to Get a Trademark Quickly). - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1432261128739-UZ4V2T13YSR2PUPO40BT/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Assault with a Deadly Battery (And How to Get a Trademark Quickly). It Wasn’t Enough Being Man of the Year So You Had to Go & Sleep with a Billionaire?!? Tramp. (Photo: entrepreneur.com) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1432262403269-G8Z6ONDV9G3PIRH74QD0/image-asset.png My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Assault with a Deadly Battery (And How to Get a Trademark Quickly). Weather Channel forecast for my other 1st Date: Partly Cloudy with a Chance of Chachi. (Photo: childhoodrelived.com) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1432262809258-3CY82I6CIU72GJEMUGAT/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Assault with a Deadly Battery (And How to Get a Trademark Quickly). The Puzzle Solved! You Want Chicks? Just Start a Band with your Mom. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1432263209208-USL7RETLFHZMNJPP2QWB/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Assault with a Deadly Battery (And How to Get a Trademark Quickly). Isn’t It Time YOUR Kids were Smart Enough to Push the U.S. Army into a Corner? (Photo: Time, Inc.) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1432263355917-O2TDUMVPQCXFGZRDJEX3/image-asset.png My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Assault with a Deadly Battery (And How to Get a Trademark Quickly). Adler: The Official Shoe Lifts of Men who Apparantly Date Drag Queens. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1432264114487-3UB1Z713DWR7WGB6JV6A/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Assault with a Deadly Battery (And How to Get a Trademark Quickly). Her Last Name is 45 Proof - a WAAAAAYYY Funnier Joke Before She, You Know, Died of Alcohol Poisoning. (Photo: Wenner Media) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1432264243444-JMA7SQCY3FIAZTE12LMI/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Assault with a Deadly Battery (And How to Get a Trademark Quickly). Necromancer or...Neck Romancer? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1432264826048-PMOK4OY3XL00HNSZH4UH/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Assault with a Deadly Battery (And How to Get a Trademark Quickly). Say What You Will About Tinder, But I Hear It Has A Very High Penetration Rate Among Urban Singles. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1432264965714-G1VGFQRDZ5N3ZNFPSPIN/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Assault with a Deadly Battery (And How to Get a Trademark Quickly). Here Comes the San, Do Do Do Do. http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/doodles monthly 0.5 2026-03-06 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1caa0a07-5b82-4b49-9d6b-8da9aa05fef6/DOOD.png My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Cheez Doodles Are Holier than Devil's Food (And God Really Loves the Letter "K"). - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1417398965176-QVI2L3T7MTTPRMFWCOC6/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Cheez Doodles Are Holier than Devil's Food (And God Really Loves the Letter "K"). Dealing with the Parallel Sh*t-Storms Known as Cocaine Abuse and Trademark Infringement. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1417459951403-HQFRROP24BUR8ENFYUDA/nixon-in-1968-victory-parade.jpg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Cheez Doodles Are Holier than Devil's Food (And God Really Loves the Letter "K"). Ok, Who Here Authorized an Illegal Hotel Break-In to Help Get Re-Elected? Just Point to the Answer if It Was You. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1417450029434-UKFXL4EHLW7XI107SWJP/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Cheez Doodles Are Holier than Devil's Food (And God Really Loves the Letter "K"). If She Bought These from Miss Jenny, it’s Safe to Say She Pretty Much Blew Through All the Money She Made on Glee. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1417459819224-6C9K011B3C3QEJO6E5P6/trident_fishstick_money.jpg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Cheez Doodles Are Holier than Devil's Food (And God Really Loves the Letter "K"). Eat His Body. Drink His Blood. Avoid His Lunchrooms on Fridays. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1417459711370-ZV47GOQ8TX2ZVQ8J3OSH/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Cheez Doodles Are Holier than Devil's Food (And God Really Loves the Letter "K"). Isn’t It Time YOU OD’d on Medicine Candy? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1417460065848-H2ZV4Q3R2KAYSJNFOPAX/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Cheez Doodles Are Holier than Devil's Food (And God Really Loves the Letter "K"). In the Name of the Father, the Son and the Wholly Inedible. Amen. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1417460215617-V0EF6XYXDA1ANALBVRHC/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Cheez Doodles Are Holier than Devil's Food (And God Really Loves the Letter "K"). You Are What You Eat. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1417460369051-5LKBKNYQ0BXX7EVXW3ZK/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Cheez Doodles Are Holier than Devil's Food (And God Really Loves the Letter "K"). Oh God, Why Do You Dessert Us in Our Hour of Nutritional Need? https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1417460456306-NXT4XN4DAW3D38RTCP7U/elnix.gif My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Cheez Doodles Are Holier than Devil's Food (And God Really Loves the Letter "K"). Ok, Who Here Gave a Federal Badge to a Pill-Popping, Gun-Toting, Hip Swerver Who Sings the Devil’s Music? Just Shake the Hand of the Guy in a Cape if It Was You. http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/sabrina monthly 0.5 2026-03-24 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1409085634592-J3WH5E0S8809DU3K17Q5/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Introducing Sabrina (Sponsored by Nike: The Official Shoe of the Apocalypse). - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1408505487624-5ZHYDH8X4EMO963YH7VT/image-asset.png My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Introducing Sabrina (Sponsored by Nike: The Official Shoe of the Apocalypse). (Photo: HBO/Time Warner) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/00d82352-a93e-4a9d-96cb-5d51bf84248a/image-asset.webp My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Introducing Sabrina (Sponsored by Nike: The Official Shoe of the Apocalypse). - Make it stand out MY hovercraft is full of squeals. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1408578584397-5GKEKRMGOI8DP09DIZ26/image-asset.png My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Introducing Sabrina (Sponsored by Nike: The Official Shoe of the Apocalypse). Naked Praise, Soprano-style: “You Look Good, You Know, Naked”. (Photo: HBO/ Time Warner) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1409073056895-UBDMMBWCB0LXHAKWW2IO/SabBo.png My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Introducing Sabrina (Sponsored by Nike: The Official Shoe of the Apocalypse). Bo Knows Baseball. Bo Knows Football. Sabrina Has No Clue Who The Hell Bo Even Is. (Photos: Sports Illustrated) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/c03da209-e530-4ed6-8cba-8c6ed49167c9/secret.png My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Introducing Sabrina (Sponsored by Nike: The Official Shoe of the Apocalypse). At Last…The Secret Revealed! Bike Shops are a Repository for the Dark Arts. (Photo: Atria Books) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1409069841433-3P8VJ9Q49IUCXUPTLQ20/abbey.jpg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Introducing Sabrina (Sponsored by Nike: The Official Shoe of the Apocalypse). Abbey Road-kill https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1408627060369-KRLX9OQIBCN61AD56HWA/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Introducing Sabrina (Sponsored by Nike: The Official Shoe of the Apocalypse). I was thinking of calling myself Miss ElectroDancePopOuterSpacePlasticBubblePianoChick but I couldn’t get the URL. Damn you, Go Daddy! (Photo: bbc.co.uk) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1408666108860-DAW2GUI44ITLTGCMKEGR/bowdoin.png My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Introducing Sabrina (Sponsored by Nike: The Official Shoe of the Apocalypse). Although We Didn’t Kill Anyone on Our Maine Visit, There Was an Insolent Lawn Squirrel Who Made Us Quite Irate (Photo:HBO/Time Warner) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1408627886485-RVPCWP482Q1MYLLNGUTN/oprahMJwndot.jpg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Introducing Sabrina (Sponsored by Nike: The Official Shoe of the Apocalypse). At Last…The Secret Revealed! “It’s Not About the Hot Dogs; It’s About The BUNS. TEE HEE.” (Photo: wn.com) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1408667223505-JQ4DZTULN8E90NJVI0RF/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Introducing Sabrina (Sponsored by Nike: The Official Shoe of the Apocalypse). If the Apocalypse Occurs After Labor Day, Don't Be Caught Dead Wearing White (Stripes). https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1408665628017-CBD4TOA75CT4VJLCHCZN/nikeCookie.jpg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Introducing Sabrina (Sponsored by Nike: The Official Shoe of the Apocalypse). Say What You Want About Nike Labor Practices, But When It Allows Its Child Workers to Also DESIGN The Shoes, Everyone Wins. (Photo: mediadump.com) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1409074000507-VRYZWIPSZOECVEA9R8L3/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Introducing Sabrina (Sponsored by Nike: The Official Shoe of the Apocalypse). Go Gaga for the Apocalypse! This Thursday, on ABC. (Photo: ABC TV) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1408666821672-NJG4Z5C36ISZ3I3ANKMI/photo.JPG My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Introducing Sabrina (Sponsored by Nike: The Official Shoe of the Apocalypse). Just Do It! http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/dating monthly 0.5 2026-03-24 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1403296893447-LTY71HU4ONANN6HDW5WX/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places (And Does It Hurt To Get Clocked With a Prehistoric Flounder?). He Totally Took the "Fun" Out of "Fund". (Photo: Politico.com) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1403297185799-YAQZL1P4WN4X37OA3FIM/doraaccuweatherdotcom.jpg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places (And Does It Hurt To Get Clocked With a Prehistoric Flounder?). It's Horrible That My Parades Never Include Giant Inflatable Latina Child Explorers Who Crush Underpaid Musicians. (Photo: Accuweather.com) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1403298335164-ZNTS3V5Y17GI3YYK9HO1/The+Clash.jpg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places (And Does It Hurt To Get Clocked With a Prehistoric Flounder?). The Lyrics: "If I Stay There Will Be Trouble. But If I Go It Will Be Double." Um, Didn’t You Just Answer Your Own Musical Question Right There? Dummy. (Photo: Epic Records/Sony Music) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1403298640435-7LU2JOQCENEWA68I263M/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places (And Does It Hurt To Get Clocked With a Prehistoric Flounder?). The Next Time Human Nature Pays a Visit, Tell Him to Beat It. And to Please Never Wear a Yellow Vest with Rhinestones. (Photo: Epic Records/Sony Music) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1403298938799-P0UCQNKY3GINXOA1FGUH/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places (And Does It Hurt To Get Clocked With a Prehistoric Flounder?). Hef is Responsible for More Empty Cribs than a Babies ‘R Us Showroom. (Photo: thisorthat.com) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1403299504004-G533HEQZDVC5IUIOS1DC/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places (And Does It Hurt To Get Clocked With a Prehistoric Flounder?). (Photo: electwellness.com) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1403299650569-C51TJJMF9HNGS4BAUV0B/image-asset.png My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places (And Does It Hurt To Get Clocked With a Prehistoric Flounder?). "I swear to God, Fred, if you “Yabba Dabba Woo-Woo” one more time, I’m gonna clock you with a flounder." (Photo: Hanna-Barbera/Warner Bros. Animation) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1403299871913-PLZLESVMOZSNH3L343HW/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places (And Does It Hurt To Get Clocked With a Prehistoric Flounder?). They May Take Our Lives But They’ll Never Take Our Woo's! (Photo: Paramount Pictures) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1403300055539-E3FFEWL417ASJCMAM4Q9/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places (And Does It Hurt To Get Clocked With a Prehistoric Flounder?). Pepsi. The Official Soft Drink of ABSOLUTELY FUCKING CRAZY. (Photo: Posh24.com) http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/baby monthly 0.5 2026-03-29 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1401901679451-RQ9X3JZ79EK0EHC88LLM/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - I Want a Baby! (And Can You Get Russell Crowe to Fix My Damn Vacuum?). Holmes: Watson, Does A Bear Bathe In The Woods? Watson: No...S*%t, Sherlock. (Photo: Universal Picures) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1401902081218-L3AW9GF9RUYNBWCXT6HV/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - I Want a Baby! (And Can You Get Russell Crowe to Fix My Damn Vacuum?). Odds of The Romantics Having Another Hit? Utterly Hopeless. (Photo: naturalbornelegance.com) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1401902739650-8AJOA6WFGRISRG1RUVFR/image-asset.png My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - I Want a Baby! (And Can You Get Russell Crowe to Fix My Damn Vacuum?). Both Really Suck for About the First 6 Months. (Photo: itelegraph.co.uk) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1401902919804-U951QH2TG85VTQ67QYAB/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - I Want a Baby! (And Can You Get Russell Crowe to Fix My Damn Vacuum?). Mr. Portokalos is completely infatuated with Windex. And variations of the name “Nick”. (Photo: Playtone/ Gold Circle Films) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1401903147762-TIO6ZMQB9DKNO5IFQYV4/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - I Want a Baby! (And Can You Get Russell Crowe to Fix My Damn Vacuum?). Windex. The Official Blood Stain Remover of Moms and Serial Killers Everywhere. (Photo: Showtime Networks) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1401928094265-O9E8FF9B5006R5C0BMPL/image-asset.png My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - I Want a Baby! (And Can You Get Russell Crowe to Fix My Damn Vacuum?). (Photo ©: Martin J. Beaverton) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1401928419584-GN6TT6PZ71T6MAULWOU0/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - I Want a Baby! (And Can You Get Russell Crowe to Fix My Damn Vacuum?). Those Gladiators Sure Know That New Math. Now Fix My Stupid Dyson, Genius! (Photo: Imagine Entertainment) http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/bear-paws monthly 0.5 2026-04-02 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1397695223815-Y3OUL2FZ9UAEONBLWXAP/hershey+characters-560x420.jpg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - All Employees Must Wash Bear Paws Before Returning To Work (and May I Offer You a Hershey's Kiss...of Death?). Death By Chocolate. No, Dude…REAL Death. (Photo: imgur.com) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1398105464162-XD6MWVTOZ0RM4JDFV1TC/pickle+chip.png My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - All Employees Must Wash Bear Paws Before Returning To Work (and May I Offer You a Hershey's Kiss...of Death?). We are just so tired of being the butt of Super-Bowl-ring-prison-bbq jokes. (Photo: kleinspickle.com) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1400096354799-L7VE16ZRR3AD9JEQMHV1/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - All Employees Must Wash Bear Paws Before Returning To Work (and May I Offer You a Hershey's Kiss...of Death?). Detroit. Tough on Jewelry, Gentle on Apron Stains. (Photo: FoxNews.com) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1398106155448-E26SDCHMOHLJ3TNZCW5J/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - All Employees Must Wash Bear Paws Before Returning To Work (and May I Offer You a Hershey's Kiss...of Death?). Thankfully, I Know Precious Little About the Seamy Underbelly of the Burgers and Pickles Trade. (Photo: itsalwaysfootballseason.com) http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/wikipedia-says monthly 0.5 2026-03-29 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/7deaddaa-6858-49ad-ba86-d7ca52f2ea24/JOAN.png My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Wikipedia Says Cupid Was Born 8 Miles From Philly (And Thomas the Train is a Tiny Wino). - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1396584999688-1JUMN9XRB1Z9GBEUQFN5/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Wikipedia Says Cupid Was Born 8 Miles From Philly (And Thomas the Train is a Tiny Wino). It's All Champagne and Dixie Cups on MY Railroad, Baby. (Photo: mommyish.com) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1396585083221-1QY0CMVJOC3MASDTUS6P/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Wikipedia Says Cupid Was Born 8 Miles From Philly (And Thomas the Train is a Tiny Wino). Thankfully, I Have Child-Bearing Hips. (Photo: Kellogg's) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1395784620741-14XDQHUAUN2I7W31T6C6/joan.jpg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Wikipedia Says Cupid Was Born 8 Miles From Philly (And Thomas the Train is a Tiny Wino). On February 14th, Cupid Shoots Arrows. The Other 364 Days? Slings an Axe. (Photo: wonderlandmagazine.com) http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/breakup monthly 0.5 2026-03-29 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1400892621426-XUZXDZUZ2V5TS9S28PH8/facebook-broken-heart.jpg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Tony Montana, Is That Olaf On Your Nostrils? (And My Next Guess Would Have Been Emotional Rescue). - Make it stand out Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1400636809587-F85UA9OWVSWU7L6AOS53/doors.png My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Tony Montana, Is That Olaf On Your Nostrils? (And My Next Guess Would Have Been Emotional Rescue). Do You Want To Do Some Blow, Man? (Photos: Disney, Universal Pictures) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1400600010846-5PLC4WD9ZPETOVTHS1YQ/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Tony Montana, Is That Olaf On Your Nostrils? (And My Next Guess Would Have Been Emotional Rescue). A Million Dollars Isn't Cool. You Know What's Cool? Writing Captions Beneath Pictures of Actors Portraying Billionaires. (Photo: Columbia Pictures) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1400726935917-KLWPR646H3OZ0G9Z2SIZ/image-asset.png My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Tony Montana, Is That Olaf On Your Nostrils? (And My Next Guess Would Have Been Emotional Rescue). Can You Guess a Homeless Cat's Favorite Rolling Stones Song? Gimme Shelter. (Photo: abcnews.com) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1400638151344-498RHS83JC9OVX8SRLBO/Better-Call-Saul-e1378943426595.jpg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Tony Montana, Is That Olaf On Your Nostrils? (And My Next Guess Would Have Been Emotional Rescue). This Offer Applies Only to Residents of New Mexico. (Photo: AMC Television) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1400642301346-4Z4P4X5YVO4ALSPVVD14/image-asset.png My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Tony Montana, Is That Olaf On Your Nostrils? (And My Next Guess Would Have Been Emotional Rescue). Wanna Know What Getting Dumped on Facebook Feels Like? Sayh 'Alo To Mah Lit-ul Frend. (Photos: Disney, Universal Pictures) http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/toys-r-us monthly 0.5 2026-03-29 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1396826586860-CAVMYOX6KC82ZGXLJYR0/jessica_simpson_435_18fp1l6-18fp1n2.jpg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Toys R Us Doesn't Serve Swedish Meatballs (And an Ice Cream Sandwich Whacked My Kneecaps). Bare. Doesn’t Care. (Photo: Hachette Filipacchi Media) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1396826900950-3QJ2T9MKAGNLRC9EKATH/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Toys R Us Doesn't Serve Swedish Meatballs (And an Ice Cream Sandwich Whacked My Kneecaps). Our Drill Bits are Delicious with Just a Pinch of Cardamom. (Photo: Gene Fleszar) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1396827132590-1IGILHCAGE9GMSIVSRS6/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Toys R Us Doesn't Serve Swedish Meatballs (And an Ice Cream Sandwich Whacked My Kneecaps). To Make Up For Our Childish Misbehaviour at IKEA, Harry & I Have Given Them Our Polo Ponies for “Swedish Meatball Research”. (Photo: usmagazine.com) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1396827206890-JK21KWVPGJMV6870P3V7/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Toys R Us Doesn't Serve Swedish Meatballs (And an Ice Cream Sandwich Whacked My Kneecaps). FINALLY!! A Cherry- Flavored Strip Club Treat Worth Busting Kneecaps Over. (Photo: flickriver.com) http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/moxie monthly 0.5 2026-03-29 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1399058591458-TC197LDGFDEGE6A16K56/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Do You Moxie Crimefighter, Take Speck Wildhorse to be Your Lawfully Wedded… (And 146 Babies Who Love Dragon Fire). It’s True What They Say; the First $76 Billion is Always the Hardest. (Photo: Shutterstock.com) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1399059478239-KJ2L7GLWNGA3ZU7JBI7Z/nicholas_cage_superman_outfit.jpg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Do You Moxie Crimefighter, Take Speck Wildhorse to be Your Lawfully Wedded… (And 146 Babies Who Love Dragon Fire). My Only Kryptonite is Sanity. 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(Photo: DigitalSpy.com) http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/olive monthly 0.5 2026-03-06 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1405625485687-OT1ITXU3BQ4HDLDG6UDM/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Introducing Olive The Dachshund (And, Hey, Marlon Brando, Stop Mumbling About The Trash). Age: Two. Criminal IQ: Through the Fucking Roof. (Photo: Hasbro Preschool) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1405626566068-2P1GLSJFY3V640MYKRIW/doxcupid.jpg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Introducing Olive The Dachshund (And, Hey, Marlon Brando, Stop Mumbling About The Trash). Um, Am I Gonna Need a Tetanus Shot Now?!? (Photo: etsy.com) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1405626759020-PK5FSXQXFACAVID2EGX7/woo.jpg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Introducing Olive The Dachshund (And, Hey, Marlon Brando, Stop Mumbling About The Trash). Excuse Me, Officer. Can I See Your Badge(r)? 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(Photo: Paramount Pictures) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1405651076886-P3PKQ3LS1W07M5KYC8N2/Marshall-608x526.jpg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Introducing Olive The Dachshund (And, Hey, Marlon Brando, Stop Mumbling About The Trash). These Amps are Highly Regarded In the Wiener Dog-Asian Partition-Vehicle Aquatic Maintenance Community. (Photo: Stereogum.com) https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1405640570208-J6ONMWMFADLDHVY42AHF/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Introducing Olive The Dachshund (And, Hey, Marlon Brando, Stop Mumbling About The Trash). Either Billy Martin is a Misfit Toy or We Will Only Ever Have 2/3 of Olive ‘s Voice Represented in a Single Picture. 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It's Always So Sad When the Kids Turn to Meth. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1395598141187-6GZ219YSNI4I7CH9G4QN/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - You Don't Have To Beat Up A Cabbage Patch Kid To Get An MBA (It's Just More Fun If You Do). There Must Be, 50 Ways To Leave This Blog Post. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1395602143446-GTYCMN2QSXTQ8LI2O6FZ/image-asset.jpeg My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - You Don't Have To Beat Up A Cabbage Patch Kid To Get An MBA (It's Just More Fun If You Do). Just Wait Until You See The Altar Girls at Virgin Church. http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/category/Controlling+Emotions monthly 0.5 http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/category/love monthly 0.5 http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/category/pets monthly 0.5 http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/category/Doing+Something+for+Love monthly 0.5 http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/category/Baby+Naming monthly 0.5 http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/category/Breaking-Up monthly 0.5 http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/category/Bragging monthly 0.5 http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/category/Respect monthly 0.5 http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/category/Baby+Names monthly 0.5 http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/category/wiener+dog monthly 0.5 http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/category/Babies monthly 0.5 http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/category/Relationships monthly 0.5 http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/category/dachshunds monthly 0.5 http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/category/dogs monthly 0.5 http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/category/Geniuses monthly 0.5 http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/category/Toddlers monthly 0.5 http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/category/Compatibility monthly 0.5 http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/category/Reinventing+Yourself monthly 0.5 http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/category/Dating monthly 0.5 http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/category/New+Yorkers monthly 0.5 http://www.followthebeaver.com/journal daily 0.75 2015-08-19 http://www.followthebeaver.com/subscribe2 daily 0.75 2026-02-25 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/4f54f979e4b03dfa00ec2fc1/1335319021415-IUY54K2W651E057CJ8UW/art-review-damien-hirst-tate-modern-1.jpeg Subscribe to my blog (or face the wrath of demons) - Damien Hirst at Tate Museum http://www.followthebeaver.com/new-blog daily 0.75 2015-12-10 http://www.followthebeaver.com/mjb daily 0.75 2026-03-31 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1395604422520-42FS49KIT5QRI1GBXRDP/image-asset.jpeg Who is Martin J. Beaverton? Vig In a Blanket. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1395607425274-1EUXUXWJ86Z2FFLFEE0S/image-asset.jpeg Who is Martin J. Beaverton? Sure, the stomach scene was gut-wrenching, but I thought the rest of Working Girl was actually pretty funny. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1395604460189-2N0ZDC3VXWA27CJ4KXGE/image-asset.jpeg Who is Martin J. Beaverton? Please purchase a pair of Toms so they can send this poor child some shoes. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1395604612843-PUF3G7FM19A3283F156F/depositphotos_5248596-Henry-Ford.jpg Who is Martin J. Beaverton? Ok, raise your hand if your Great Grandfather had his own stamp. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1395606033316-SH3BGN1VTIUIOG21A8XQ/image-asset.jpeg Who is Martin J. Beaverton? On the Left: Actual (alleged) Satanic Spawn. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1395604970394-KMGZ8Y5JTUMPD2ZYAZBZ/image-asset.jpeg Who is Martin J. Beaverton? Knocked-Up Airlines Give You So Much More. (c) 2013 B. Timmers https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1395606551475-U2O97DS7BCANQZBH1B01/image-asset.jpeg Who is Martin J. Beaverton? Most definitely NOT married to Diane. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1395604422520-42FS49KIT5QRI1GBXRDP/image-asset.jpeg Who is Martin J. Beaverton? Vig In a Blanket. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1395607425274-1EUXUXWJ86Z2FFLFEE0S/image-asset.jpeg Who is Martin J. Beaverton? Sure, the stomach scene was gut-wrenching, but I thought the rest of Working Girl was actually pretty funny. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1395604460189-2N0ZDC3VXWA27CJ4KXGE/image-asset.jpeg Who is Martin J. Beaverton? Please purchase a pair of Toms so they can send this poor child some shoes. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1395604612843-PUF3G7FM19A3283F156F/depositphotos_5248596-Henry-Ford.jpg Who is Martin J. Beaverton? Ok, raise your hand if your Great Grandfather had his own stamp. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1395606033316-SH3BGN1VTIUIOG21A8XQ/image-asset.jpeg Who is Martin J. Beaverton? On the Left: Actual (alleged) Satanic Spawn. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1395604970394-KMGZ8Y5JTUMPD2ZYAZBZ/image-asset.jpeg Who is Martin J. Beaverton? Knocked-Up Airlines Give You So Much More. © 2013 B. Timmers https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1395606551475-U2O97DS7BCANQZBH1B01/image-asset.jpeg Who is Martin J. Beaverton? Is it any wonder why Krugerrands were banned? Oh, and the whole apartheid thing didn’t help. Up yours, Freddy. http://www.followthebeaver.com/contact daily 0.75 2026-02-25 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/6f05a448-72a3-4d00-8b57-8560af96a500/Screenshot+2026-02-19+at+3.43.07%E2%80%AFPM.png http://www.followthebeaver.com/new-gallery daily 0.75 2026-02-22 https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1449771691957-85F03S12NSDGA5S6RUKT/grinch.GIF You Know It's Q4 When... Cartoon of the Grinch, a green character with long hair, standing with hands on hips against a black background. https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1449771725314-M88EY50ORS1EWQ00V8OB/greedy.gif You Know It's Q4 When... A hand holding a fork about to cut into a stack of pancakes on a plate in a kitchen setting. http://www.followthebeaver.com/new-page daily 0.75 2026-02-25