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    <lastmod>2026-04-02</lastmod>
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    <loc>http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/australia</loc>
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    <lastmod>2026-03-29</lastmod>
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      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Australia Must Have Some Badass Lo Mein (And Why Is A Marsupial Serving Bordeaux To Don Henley?) - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
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      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Australia Must Have Some Badass Lo Mein (And Why Is A Marsupial Serving Bordeaux To Don Henley?) - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>I’m a liver, not a fighter. Now leave me and my family alone, you vultures!</image:caption>
    </image:image>
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      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Australia Must Have Some Badass Lo Mein (And Why Is A Marsupial Serving Bordeaux To Don Henley?) - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>"A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. Then I splurged and had this arresting orange jumpsuit de-liver-ed to me from Hermes.” (Photo: Hermes Paris, MGM Studios)</image:caption>
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      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Australia Must Have Some Badass Lo Mein (And Why Is A Marsupial Serving Bordeaux To Don Henley?) - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>The flight to Gilligan’s Island was splendid but the gift shop there sucked liked Oedipus on a milk bender.</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/54668c52-a9fb-469a-bd2f-d28c1f2d1815/meat+heart.png</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Australia Must Have Some Badass Lo Mein (And Why Is A Marsupial Serving Bordeaux To Don Henley?) - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>A meatloaf made with liver is called pâté de campagne. I would do anything for lunch…but I won’t do that.</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
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      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Australia Must Have Some Badass Lo Mein (And Why Is A Marsupial Serving Bordeaux To Don Henley?) - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>How is a beaver like a koala? He eats bush and leaves.</image:caption>
    </image:image>
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      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Australia Must Have Some Badass Lo Mein (And Why Is A Marsupial Serving Bordeaux To Don Henley?) - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Seed capital, Chicago-style; bun’s on the bottom, topped by a sour pickle.</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/800f29d9-26d9-4a75-ba4b-1b52bc099898/KOALA+EAGLES.png</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Australia Must Have Some Badass Lo Mein (And Why Is A Marsupial Serving Bordeaux To Don Henley?) - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>So I called a koala, Please bring me my wine</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/9394a7b5-d5ba-45cd-9dd7-80ad2c3a41da/greeks.png</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Australia Must Have Some Badass Lo Mein (And Why Is A Marsupial Serving Bordeaux To Don Henley?) - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>And that, dear reader is what we call “coming full circle’.</image:caption>
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  <url>
    <loc>http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/benatar</loc>
    <changefreq>monthly</changefreq>
    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2026-03-26</lastmod>
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      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Love Is A Battlefield (But At Least My Dog Got An Autograph Out Of The War). - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/00cb9403-8c50-4b2e-8c0c-853e08b12c7b/fast_1_20.jpg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Love Is A Battlefield (But At Least My Dog Got An Autograph Out Of The War). - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>“Now, this is the most important, Rat. When it comes down to making out, whenever possible, put on side one of Led Zeppelin IV. If that fails, try Bublé’s Christmas album.” (Photo: Universal Pictures)</image:caption>
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      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Love Is A Battlefield (But At Least My Dog Got An Autograph Out Of The War). - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Tuck and roll? No harm, no fowl. (Photo: Penelope A Riley)</image:caption>
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    <image:image>
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      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Love Is A Battlefield (But At Least My Dog Got An Autograph Out Of The War). - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Sure, Hell is For Children, but these super-absorbent cotton shorts are a heavenly gift to urine overflow.</image:caption>
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      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/5bdaa745-3b55-4263-8691-49ef982818e2/Fred+resize.jpg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Love Is A Battlefield (But At Least My Dog Got An Autograph Out Of The War). - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Oh Wilma, Fred is gonna make your Bed Rock later tonight. (Photo: Hanna-Barbera Studios)</image:caption>
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      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Love Is A Battlefield (But At Least My Dog Got An Autograph Out Of The War). - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Using Ticketmaster is so easy even a caveman can call them up and bitch about the service fees. (Photo: Geico Insurance)</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
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      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Love Is A Battlefield (But At Least My Dog Got An Autograph Out Of The War). - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>“To impress my wife, I changed my name to Sonny and found this here new duet partner.  Up yours, Beaverton.”</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/b29f77a8-3682-460d-b011-7bd7de3463a2/pat+neil.jpeg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Love Is A Battlefield (But At Least My Dog Got An Autograph Out Of The War). - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/95279c1f-1bdd-4e28-9406-7d50761e9c79/fred_finger_RESIZE.jpg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Love Is A Battlefield (But At Least My Dog Got An Autograph Out Of The War). - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>“I may not be into rock and rolling but I can use a rock FOR bowling.  Up yours, Beaverton.”</image:caption>
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  <url>
    <loc>http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/firstdate</loc>
    <changefreq>monthly</changefreq>
    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2026-03-19</lastmod>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/02419125-f66a-48e3-969a-cd44eb302e1b/Poltergeist_2015_poster.png</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Assault with a Deadly Battery (And How to Get a Trademark Quickly). - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1432261128739-UZ4V2T13YSR2PUPO40BT/image-asset.jpeg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Assault with a Deadly Battery (And How to Get a Trademark Quickly).</image:title>
      <image:caption>It Wasn’t Enough Being Man of the Year So You Had to Go &amp; Sleep with a Billionaire?!? Tramp. (Photo: entrepreneur.com)</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1432262403269-G8Z6ONDV9G3PIRH74QD0/image-asset.png</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Assault with a Deadly Battery (And How to Get a Trademark Quickly).</image:title>
      <image:caption>Weather Channel forecast for my other 1st Date: Partly Cloudy with a Chance of Chachi. (Photo: childhoodrelived.com)</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1432262809258-3CY82I6CIU72GJEMUGAT/image-asset.jpeg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Assault with a Deadly Battery (And How to Get a Trademark Quickly).</image:title>
      <image:caption>The Puzzle Solved! You Want Chicks? Just Start a Band with your Mom.</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1432263209208-USL7RETLFHZMNJPP2QWB/image-asset.jpeg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Assault with a Deadly Battery (And How to Get a Trademark Quickly).</image:title>
      <image:caption>Isn’t It Time YOUR Kids were Smart Enough to Push the U.S. Army into a Corner? (Photo: Time, Inc.)</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1432263355917-O2TDUMVPQCXFGZRDJEX3/image-asset.png</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Assault with a Deadly Battery (And How to Get a Trademark Quickly).</image:title>
      <image:caption>Adler: The Official Shoe Lifts of Men who Apparantly Date Drag Queens.</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1432264114487-3UB1Z713DWR7WGB6JV6A/image-asset.jpeg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Assault with a Deadly Battery (And How to Get a Trademark Quickly).</image:title>
      <image:caption>Her Last Name is 45 Proof - a WAAAAAYYY Funnier Joke Before She, You Know, Died of Alcohol Poisoning. (Photo: Wenner Media)</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
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      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Assault with a Deadly Battery (And How to Get a Trademark Quickly).</image:title>
      <image:caption>Necromancer or...Neck Romancer?</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1432264826048-PMOK4OY3XL00HNSZH4UH/image-asset.jpeg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Assault with a Deadly Battery (And How to Get a Trademark Quickly).</image:title>
      <image:caption>Say What You Will About Tinder, But I Hear It Has A Very High Penetration Rate Among Urban Singles.</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1432264965714-G1VGFQRDZ5N3ZNFPSPIN/image-asset.jpeg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Assault with a Deadly Battery (And How to Get a Trademark Quickly).</image:title>
      <image:caption>Here Comes the San, Do Do Do Do.</image:caption>
    </image:image>
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  <url>
    <loc>http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/doodles</loc>
    <changefreq>monthly</changefreq>
    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2026-03-06</lastmod>
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      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1caa0a07-5b82-4b49-9d6b-8da9aa05fef6/DOOD.png</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Cheez Doodles Are Holier than Devil's Food (And God Really Loves the Letter "K"). - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1417398965176-QVI2L3T7MTTPRMFWCOC6/image-asset.jpeg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Cheez Doodles Are Holier than Devil's Food (And God Really Loves the Letter "K").</image:title>
      <image:caption>Dealing with the Parallel Sh*t-Storms Known as Cocaine Abuse and Trademark Infringement.</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1417459951403-HQFRROP24BUR8ENFYUDA/nixon-in-1968-victory-parade.jpg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Cheez Doodles Are Holier than Devil's Food (And God Really Loves the Letter "K").</image:title>
      <image:caption>Ok, Who Here Authorized an Illegal Hotel Break-In to Help Get Re-Elected? Just Point to the Answer if It Was You.</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1417450029434-UKFXL4EHLW7XI107SWJP/image-asset.jpeg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Cheez Doodles Are Holier than Devil's Food (And God Really Loves the Letter "K").</image:title>
      <image:caption>If She Bought These from Miss Jenny, it’s Safe to Say She Pretty Much Blew Through All the Money She Made on Glee.</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1417459819224-6C9K011B3C3QEJO6E5P6/trident_fishstick_money.jpg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Cheez Doodles Are Holier than Devil's Food (And God Really Loves the Letter "K").</image:title>
      <image:caption>Eat His Body. Drink His Blood. Avoid His Lunchrooms on Fridays.</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1417459711370-ZV47GOQ8TX2ZVQ8J3OSH/image-asset.jpeg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Cheez Doodles Are Holier than Devil's Food (And God Really Loves the Letter "K").</image:title>
      <image:caption>Isn’t It Time YOU OD’d on Medicine Candy?</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1417460065848-H2ZV4Q3R2KAYSJNFOPAX/image-asset.jpeg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Cheez Doodles Are Holier than Devil's Food (And God Really Loves the Letter "K").</image:title>
      <image:caption>In the Name of the Father, the Son and the Wholly Inedible. Amen.</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1417460215617-V0EF6XYXDA1ANALBVRHC/image-asset.jpeg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Cheez Doodles Are Holier than Devil's Food (And God Really Loves the Letter "K").</image:title>
      <image:caption>You Are What You Eat.</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1417460369051-5LKBKNYQ0BXX7EVXW3ZK/image-asset.jpeg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Cheez Doodles Are Holier than Devil's Food (And God Really Loves the Letter "K").</image:title>
      <image:caption>Oh God, Why Do You Dessert Us in Our Hour of Nutritional Need?</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1417460456306-NXT4XN4DAW3D38RTCP7U/elnix.gif</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Cheez Doodles Are Holier than Devil's Food (And God Really Loves the Letter "K").</image:title>
      <image:caption>Ok, Who Here Gave a Federal Badge to a Pill-Popping, Gun-Toting, Hip Swerver Who Sings the Devil’s Music? Just Shake the Hand of the Guy in a Cape if It Was You.</image:caption>
    </image:image>
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  <url>
    <loc>http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/sabrina</loc>
    <changefreq>monthly</changefreq>
    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2026-03-24</lastmod>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1409085634592-J3WH5E0S8809DU3K17Q5/image-asset.jpeg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Introducing Sabrina (Sponsored by Nike: The Official Shoe of the Apocalypse). - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1408505487624-5ZHYDH8X4EMO963YH7VT/image-asset.png</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Introducing Sabrina (Sponsored by Nike: The Official Shoe of the Apocalypse).</image:title>
      <image:caption>(Photo: HBO/Time Warner)</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/00d82352-a93e-4a9d-96cb-5d51bf84248a/image-asset.webp</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Introducing Sabrina (Sponsored by Nike: The Official Shoe of the Apocalypse). - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>MY hovercraft is full of squeals.</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1408578584397-5GKEKRMGOI8DP09DIZ26/image-asset.png</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Introducing Sabrina (Sponsored by Nike: The Official Shoe of the Apocalypse).</image:title>
      <image:caption>Naked Praise, Soprano-style: “You Look Good, You Know, Naked”. (Photo: HBO/ Time Warner)</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1409073056895-UBDMMBWCB0LXHAKWW2IO/SabBo.png</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Introducing Sabrina (Sponsored by Nike: The Official Shoe of the Apocalypse).</image:title>
      <image:caption>Bo Knows Baseball. Bo Knows Football. Sabrina Has No Clue Who The Hell Bo Even Is. (Photos: Sports Illustrated)</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
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      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Introducing Sabrina (Sponsored by Nike: The Official Shoe of the Apocalypse).</image:title>
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      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Introducing Sabrina (Sponsored by Nike: The Official Shoe of the Apocalypse).</image:title>
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    <image:image>
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      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Introducing Sabrina (Sponsored by Nike: The Official Shoe of the Apocalypse).</image:title>
      <image:caption>I was thinking of calling myself Miss ElectroDancePopOuterSpacePlasticBubblePianoChick but I couldn’t get the URL. Damn you, Go Daddy! (Photo: bbc.co.uk)</image:caption>
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    <image:image>
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      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Introducing Sabrina (Sponsored by Nike: The Official Shoe of the Apocalypse).</image:title>
      <image:caption>Although We Didn’t Kill Anyone on Our Maine Visit, There Was an Insolent Lawn Squirrel Who Made Us Quite Irate (Photo:HBO/Time Warner)</image:caption>
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      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Introducing Sabrina (Sponsored by Nike: The Official Shoe of the Apocalypse).</image:title>
      <image:caption>At Last…The Secret Revealed!  “It’s Not About the Hot Dogs; It’s About The BUNS. TEE HEE.” (Photo: wn.com)</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
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      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Introducing Sabrina (Sponsored by Nike: The Official Shoe of the Apocalypse).</image:title>
      <image:caption>If the Apocalypse Occurs After Labor Day, Don't Be Caught Dead Wearing White (Stripes).</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1408665628017-CBD4TOA75CT4VJLCHCZN/nikeCookie.jpg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Introducing Sabrina (Sponsored by Nike: The Official Shoe of the Apocalypse).</image:title>
      <image:caption>Say What You Want About Nike Labor Practices, But When It Allows Its Child Workers to Also DESIGN The Shoes, Everyone Wins. (Photo: mediadump.com)</image:caption>
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    <image:image>
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      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Introducing Sabrina (Sponsored by Nike: The Official Shoe of the Apocalypse).</image:title>
      <image:caption>Go Gaga for the Apocalypse! This Thursday, on ABC. (Photo: ABC TV)</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
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      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Introducing Sabrina (Sponsored by Nike: The Official Shoe of the Apocalypse).</image:title>
      <image:caption>Just Do It!</image:caption>
    </image:image>
  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/dating</loc>
    <changefreq>monthly</changefreq>
    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2026-03-24</lastmod>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1403296893447-LTY71HU4ONANN6HDW5WX/image-asset.jpeg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places (And Does It Hurt To Get Clocked With a Prehistoric Flounder?).</image:title>
      <image:caption>He Totally Took the "Fun" Out of "Fund". (Photo: Politico.com)</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1403297185799-YAQZL1P4WN4X37OA3FIM/doraaccuweatherdotcom.jpg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places (And Does It Hurt To Get Clocked With a Prehistoric Flounder?).</image:title>
      <image:caption>It's Horrible That My Parades Never Include Giant Inflatable Latina Child Explorers Who Crush Underpaid Musicians. (Photo: Accuweather.com)</image:caption>
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    <image:image>
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      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places (And Does It Hurt To Get Clocked With a Prehistoric Flounder?).</image:title>
      <image:caption>The Lyrics:  "If I Stay There Will Be Trouble. But If I Go It Will Be Double." Um, Didn’t You Just Answer Your Own  Musical Question Right There? Dummy. (Photo: Epic Records/Sony Music)</image:caption>
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      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places (And Does It Hurt To Get Clocked With a Prehistoric Flounder?).</image:title>
      <image:caption>The Next Time Human Nature Pays a Visit, Tell Him to Beat It. And to Please Never Wear a Yellow Vest with Rhinestones. (Photo: Epic Records/Sony Music)</image:caption>
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    <image:image>
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      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places (And Does It Hurt To Get Clocked With a Prehistoric Flounder?).</image:title>
      <image:caption>Hef is Responsible for More Empty Cribs than a Babies ‘R Us Showroom. (Photo: thisorthat.com)</image:caption>
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      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places (And Does It Hurt To Get Clocked With a Prehistoric Flounder?).</image:title>
      <image:caption>(Photo: electwellness.com)</image:caption>
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    <image:image>
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      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places (And Does It Hurt To Get Clocked With a Prehistoric Flounder?).</image:title>
      <image:caption>"I swear to God, Fred, if you “Yabba Dabba Woo-Woo” one more time, I’m gonna clock you with a flounder." (Photo: Hanna-Barbera/Warner Bros. Animation)</image:caption>
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      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places (And Does It Hurt To Get Clocked With a Prehistoric Flounder?).</image:title>
      <image:caption>They May Take Our Lives But They’ll Never Take Our Woo's! (Photo: Paramount Pictures)</image:caption>
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    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1403300055539-E3FFEWL417ASJCMAM4Q9/image-asset.jpeg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places (And Does It Hurt To Get Clocked With a Prehistoric Flounder?).</image:title>
      <image:caption>Pepsi. The Official Soft Drink of ABSOLUTELY FUCKING CRAZY. (Photo: Posh24.com)</image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/baby</loc>
    <changefreq>monthly</changefreq>
    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2026-03-29</lastmod>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1401901679451-RQ9X3JZ79EK0EHC88LLM/image-asset.jpeg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - I Want a Baby! (And Can You Get Russell Crowe to Fix My Damn Vacuum?).</image:title>
      <image:caption>Holmes:  Watson, Does A Bear Bathe In The Woods?     Watson:  No...S*%t, Sherlock. (Photo: Universal Picures)</image:caption>
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    <image:image>
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      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - I Want a Baby! (And Can You Get Russell Crowe to Fix My Damn Vacuum?).</image:title>
      <image:caption>Odds of The Romantics Having Another Hit? Utterly Hopeless. (Photo: naturalbornelegance.com)</image:caption>
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      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - I Want a Baby! (And Can You Get Russell Crowe to Fix My Damn Vacuum?).</image:title>
      <image:caption>Both Really Suck for About the First 6 Months. (Photo: itelegraph.co.uk)</image:caption>
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    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1401902919804-U951QH2TG85VTQ67QYAB/image-asset.jpeg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - I Want a Baby! (And Can You Get Russell Crowe to Fix My Damn Vacuum?).</image:title>
      <image:caption>Mr. Portokalos is completely infatuated with Windex. And variations of the name “Nick”. (Photo: Playtone/ Gold Circle Films)</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
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      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - I Want a Baby! (And Can You Get Russell Crowe to Fix My Damn Vacuum?).</image:title>
      <image:caption>Windex. The Official Blood Stain Remover of Moms and Serial Killers Everywhere. (Photo: Showtime Networks)</image:caption>
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      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - I Want a Baby! (And Can You Get Russell Crowe to Fix My Damn Vacuum?).</image:title>
      <image:caption>(Photo ©: Martin J. Beaverton)</image:caption>
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    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1401928419584-GN6TT6PZ71T6MAULWOU0/image-asset.jpeg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - I Want a Baby! (And Can You Get Russell Crowe to Fix My Damn Vacuum?).</image:title>
      <image:caption>Those Gladiators Sure Know That New Math. Now Fix My Stupid Dyson, Genius! (Photo: Imagine Entertainment)</image:caption>
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  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/bear-paws</loc>
    <changefreq>monthly</changefreq>
    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2026-04-02</lastmod>
    <image:image>
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      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - All Employees Must Wash Bear Paws Before Returning To Work (and May I Offer You a Hershey's Kiss...of Death?).</image:title>
      <image:caption>Death By Chocolate. No, Dude…REAL Death.     (Photo: imgur.com)</image:caption>
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    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1398105464162-XD6MWVTOZ0RM4JDFV1TC/pickle+chip.png</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - All Employees Must Wash Bear Paws Before Returning To Work (and May I Offer You a Hershey's Kiss...of Death?).</image:title>
      <image:caption>We are just so tired of being the butt of Super-Bowl-ring-prison-bbq jokes. (Photo: kleinspickle.com)</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1400096354799-L7VE16ZRR3AD9JEQMHV1/image-asset.jpeg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - All Employees Must Wash Bear Paws Before Returning To Work (and May I Offer You a Hershey's Kiss...of Death?).</image:title>
      <image:caption>Detroit. Tough on Jewelry, Gentle on Apron Stains.                     (Photo: FoxNews.com)</image:caption>
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    <image:image>
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      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - All Employees Must Wash Bear Paws Before Returning To Work (and May I Offer You a Hershey's Kiss...of Death?).</image:title>
      <image:caption>Thankfully, I Know Precious Little About the Seamy Underbelly of the Burgers and Pickles Trade.   (Photo: itsalwaysfootballseason.com)</image:caption>
    </image:image>
  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/wikipedia-says</loc>
    <changefreq>monthly</changefreq>
    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2026-03-29</lastmod>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/7deaddaa-6858-49ad-ba86-d7ca52f2ea24/JOAN.png</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Wikipedia Says Cupid Was Born 8 Miles From Philly (And Thomas the Train is a Tiny Wino). - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1396584999688-1JUMN9XRB1Z9GBEUQFN5/image-asset.jpeg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Wikipedia Says Cupid Was Born 8 Miles From Philly (And Thomas the Train is a Tiny Wino).</image:title>
      <image:caption>It's All Champagne and Dixie Cups on MY Railroad, Baby.       (Photo: mommyish.com)</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1396585083221-1QY0CMVJOC3MASDTUS6P/image-asset.jpeg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Wikipedia Says Cupid Was Born 8 Miles From Philly (And Thomas the Train is a Tiny Wino).</image:title>
      <image:caption>Thankfully, I Have Child-Bearing Hips.         (Photo: Kellogg's)</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1395784620741-14XDQHUAUN2I7W31T6C6/joan.jpg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Wikipedia Says Cupid Was Born 8 Miles From Philly (And Thomas the Train is a Tiny Wino).</image:title>
      <image:caption>On February 14th, Cupid Shoots Arrows. The Other 364 Days? Slings an Axe.  (Photo: wonderlandmagazine.com)</image:caption>
    </image:image>
  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/breakup</loc>
    <changefreq>monthly</changefreq>
    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2026-03-29</lastmod>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1400892621426-XUZXDZUZ2V5TS9S28PH8/facebook-broken-heart.jpg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Tony Montana, Is That Olaf On Your Nostrils? (And My Next Guess Would Have Been Emotional Rescue). - Make it stand out</image:title>
      <image:caption>Whatever it is, the way you tell your story online can make all the difference.</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1400636809587-F85UA9OWVSWU7L6AOS53/doors.png</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Tony Montana, Is That Olaf On Your Nostrils? (And My Next Guess Would Have Been Emotional Rescue).</image:title>
      <image:caption>Do You Want To Do Some Blow, Man?    (Photos: Disney, Universal Pictures)</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1400600010846-5PLC4WD9ZPETOVTHS1YQ/image-asset.jpeg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Tony Montana, Is That Olaf On Your Nostrils? (And My Next Guess Would Have Been Emotional Rescue).</image:title>
      <image:caption>A Million Dollars Isn't Cool. You Know What's Cool?  Writing Captions Beneath Pictures of Actors Portraying Billionaires.                              (Photo: Columbia Pictures)</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1400726935917-KLWPR646H3OZ0G9Z2SIZ/image-asset.png</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Tony Montana, Is That Olaf On Your Nostrils? (And My Next Guess Would Have Been Emotional Rescue).</image:title>
      <image:caption>Can You Guess a Homeless Cat's Favorite Rolling Stones Song? Gimme Shelter. (Photo: abcnews.com)</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1400638151344-498RHS83JC9OVX8SRLBO/Better-Call-Saul-e1378943426595.jpg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Tony Montana, Is That Olaf On Your Nostrils? (And My Next Guess Would Have Been Emotional Rescue).</image:title>
      <image:caption>This Offer Applies Only to Residents of New Mexico. (Photo: AMC Television)</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1400642301346-4Z4P4X5YVO4ALSPVVD14/image-asset.png</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Tony Montana, Is That Olaf On Your Nostrils? (And My Next Guess Would Have Been Emotional Rescue).</image:title>
      <image:caption>Wanna Know What Getting Dumped on Facebook Feels Like?  Sayh 'Alo To Mah Lit-ul Frend. (Photos: Disney, Universal Pictures)</image:caption>
    </image:image>
  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/toys-r-us</loc>
    <changefreq>monthly</changefreq>
    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2026-03-29</lastmod>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1396826586860-CAVMYOX6KC82ZGXLJYR0/jessica_simpson_435_18fp1l6-18fp1n2.jpg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Toys R Us Doesn't Serve Swedish Meatballs (And an Ice Cream Sandwich Whacked My Kneecaps).</image:title>
      <image:caption>Bare. Doesn’t Care. (Photo: Hachette Filipacchi Media)</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1396826900950-3QJ2T9MKAGNLRC9EKATH/image-asset.jpeg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Toys R Us Doesn't Serve Swedish Meatballs (And an Ice Cream Sandwich Whacked My Kneecaps).</image:title>
      <image:caption>Our Drill Bits are Delicious with Just a Pinch of Cardamom. (Photo: Gene Fleszar)</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1396827132590-1IGILHCAGE9GMSIVSRS6/image-asset.jpeg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Toys R Us Doesn't Serve Swedish Meatballs (And an Ice Cream Sandwich Whacked My Kneecaps).</image:title>
      <image:caption>To Make Up For Our Childish Misbehaviour at IKEA, Harry &amp; I Have Given Them Our Polo Ponies for “Swedish Meatball Research”.             (Photo: usmagazine.com)</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1396827206890-JK21KWVPGJMV6870P3V7/image-asset.jpeg</image:loc>
      <image:title>My Stories (aka Beaver Tales) - Toys R Us Doesn't Serve Swedish Meatballs (And an Ice Cream Sandwich Whacked My Kneecaps).</image:title>
      <image:caption>FINALLY!! A Cherry- Flavored Strip Club Treat Worth Busting Kneecaps Over. (Photo: flickriver.com)</image:caption>
    </image:image>
  </url>
  <url>
    <loc>http://www.followthebeaver.com/blog/moxie</loc>
    <changefreq>monthly</changefreq>
    <priority>0.5</priority>
    <lastmod>2026-03-29</lastmod>
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    <changefreq>monthly</changefreq>
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    <lastmod>2026-03-06</lastmod>
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      <image:title>Subscribe to my blog (or face the wrath of demons) - Damien Hirst at Tate Museum</image:title>
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      <image:caption>Please purchase a pair of Toms so they can send this poor child some shoes.</image:caption>
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      <image:caption>Ok, raise your hand if your Great Grandfather had his own stamp.</image:caption>
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      <image:caption>On the Left: Actual (alleged) Satanic Spawn.</image:caption>
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      <image:caption>Knocked-Up Airlines Give You So Much More.    (c) 2013 B. Timmers</image:caption>
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      <image:caption>Most definitely NOT married to Diane.</image:caption>
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      <image:title>Who is Martin J. Beaverton?</image:title>
      <image:caption>Vig In a Blanket.</image:caption>
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      <image:title>Who is Martin J. Beaverton?</image:title>
      <image:caption>Sure, the stomach scene was gut-wrenching, but I thought the rest of Working Girl was actually pretty funny.</image:caption>
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      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1395604460189-2N0ZDC3VXWA27CJ4KXGE/image-asset.jpeg</image:loc>
      <image:title>Who is Martin J. Beaverton?</image:title>
      <image:caption>Please purchase a pair of Toms so they can send this poor child some shoes.</image:caption>
    </image:image>
    <image:image>
      <image:loc>https://images.squarespace-cdn.com/content/v1/532c90f3e4b0371f15842bdd/1395604612843-PUF3G7FM19A3283F156F/depositphotos_5248596-Henry-Ford.jpg</image:loc>
      <image:title>Who is Martin J. Beaverton?</image:title>
      <image:caption>Ok, raise your hand if your Great Grandfather had his own stamp.</image:caption>
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      <image:caption>On the Left: Actual (alleged) Satanic Spawn.</image:caption>
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      <image:caption>Is it any wonder why Krugerrands were banned? Oh, and the whole apartheid thing didn’t help. Up yours, Freddy.</image:caption>
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